Tick tock…pajamas…tick tock…hair bows…tick tock…infusion supplies…tick tock…pull ups…tick tock…My Little Ponies…tick tock…snacks for me…tick tock…comfort blanket…tick tock we race the clock. My thoughts are fragmented and never dwelling on one for more than a minute or the emotional toll spills over into the areas of my life that need me to be my best. Surgery on Tuesday is coming and I can only focus on what I can control. I can pack bags, have food ready, line up sitters, have exciting and fun things lined up for the kids to do while I am at the hospital with Braden. I cannot control the thousands of factors that could make this one of my last days with my child. Just thinking about it is too much for any mother to bear.
How does a family live just two days before such a stressful event? By living. No really. We are appreciating those thousand things you take for granted each and every day. I watched Eve voluntarily dress Braden this morning. It was tender and sweet. She did it to be a part of this team. She felt no obligation, and it pulled them even closer. She did it so they could play with the hose, play house in the back yard, pretend to be photographers snapping pictures of princesses! We will spend it making banana bread, snuggling under blankets, brushing our teeth, disciplining for wayward behavior, and loving each other as we always do.
No matter the outcome on Tuesday, I am continually reminding myself that we are doing what is best for our child with the most up to date research available and with the recommendation of our doctors. If things go well this will improve the quality of life for Braden. If it doesn’t…not going there. One of the two giant elephants in our life is sitting squarely on my chest. The difference between this time and the last is that his presence on my chest is not as scary to me. I anticipated his arrival. I know how to handle him with more finesse. We will breathe our way through this one. We will hope for the best on that day. Until then though we will live blissfully as a family of six that loves each other immensely. There is nothing sweeter than that. After all, when your child’s life hangs in the balance, so much seems so very trivial and small. Hug those you love and tell them often my friends.