I think I’ve been thanked at least a hundred times for being a good citizen for taking in a child through social services. I’ve been nearly hailed as a hero for adopting and saving him from the life that could have been. My reaction is the same every single time….sadness, confusion, and the inability to let the issue drop. I am not a hero. Adopting is not a heroic act. In fact, I was quite selfish. My soul yearned for a child like a woman scavenging the desert for a glass of water. Let me be clear, Braden saved me from a life of deep sadness. A life where my deepest desire to be a mother would have been left unfulfilled. I am the lucky one, not him.
I’ve been told more time than I can count that I’m a fabulous mother. To be honest, I’m just your average mother stuck in an extraordinary circumstances. I still lose my temper from time to time. Sometimes I forget to bite my tongue. Others I let thing slide out of convenience. I don’t monitor tv time, shop strictly organic, and I’ve even given the kids lollipops so I could make it through an important phone call without two very loud little people in the background. We are a normal family. I do my best, and I love my children fiercely.
What I want more than anything is to simply keep on living this crazy life of ours forever. I want to watch my children continue to chase each other around in circles. I want to hear them having conversations, laughing together, and to one day both look back at their childhood with fondness. I want to watch Braden fight to make the varsity team, learn to drive a car, graduate college, walk down the aisle to get married, and to see the tears in his eyes when he has children of his own. I want to learn to have more patience, so I can be an even better grandmother. So, that I can watch both Braden and Genevieve roll their eyes at me as I spoil their children rotten. I am an average mother who wants that life she had imagined for her children back.
We started Braden on medication today to lessen his drooling. He now takes seven pills a day and a breathing treatment twice a day. We stayed at home today, and I took some pictures of the kids. I’m pretty happy with the results. So, we didn’t do a whole lot, but at 6 pm, Braden told us he was tired and wanted to go to bed. We kept him up until 6:30 when he fell fast asleep on my chest. Now I lay here watching him sleep and I think that I wish I could be his hero. I hope that I do better tomorrow than I did today. I hope for more patience and to be a better mother than I was the day before. Above all, I look at him and just feel overwhelmingly lucky to be called his mom. I love him so much.